get my ex back
A hearty welcome to all heartbroken people!
Breakups! The real pain
Let’s start right from the beginning. The first thing you feel after a breakup is unbearable pain. You feel like nothing matters; there’s no joy,
no pleasure. You experience the same feeling as when someone close to you dies. Hopelessness is pervasive and the pain you feel is so intense
it can’t even be compared to any physical pain you’ve ever felt. You can’t remember the last time you slept or ate. Day and night,
you are thinking about your ex and how to get back together. Nothing works.
OK, enough torture for now. Let’s cheer you up a bit and give you some hope.
My name is Filip, I’m 27 and I’m from the Czech Republic (which is in the middle of Europe, just in case you are wondering where that is )
and here’s my story. The story about how I won what seemed to be a lost battle, what helped me and what you should avoid.
The relationship with my ex-girlfriend started and was evolving like many others – it was at its best at the beginning and this lasted for a
year or two. Then it slowly became a stereotype and let’s say that the last year before the break up was kind of a toxic one. This last year
changed everything. We started to spend less time together and when we were together, we would do our own things not paying
attention to each other. I must admit that my ex put more effort into saving our relationship than I did, but she gave up eventually.
Love and respect for each other were long gone at this point.
We were not able to reignite the spark anymore. We thought things would work out and
everything would be fine one day so we kept living with this until my ex had enough and broke it up. She slept with her co-worker which she
told me about a few days after. She said she might start dating him and that she was breaking up with me and we wouldn’t be together ever
again. By the way, they had been secretly meeting and discussing our relationship months before the cheating.
I was devastated. I realized a lot of things and wanted to fix everything. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or work – I lost 14 pounds in a week ( the most
effective diet ever ). I was pleading, apologizing, and begging her to come back – of course, nothing worked. This went on for about six weeks.
Then I found out that she is indeed in relationship with the guy she cheated on me with and she even introduced him to her family and
invited him to a family event; then a photo of them was posted on Facebook. What?! This was a wakeup call for me. I still wanted my ex back
but started to think more positively and I slowly turned my pain into power – I know I’m making it sound simple.
This requires a solid plan, good timing, great execution, persistence and determination.
Life is too short to be wasted dwelling on something like this. With my plan in progress I started to see opportunities rather than
problems. I started to enjoy freedom, was more socially active, started to work out everyday and my confidence was building up again. Even
at this point I still wanted to fix the relationship, but I was also ready to give up on it and live my own life without her. So I went no contact.
I started bombarding Facebook with the pics of my body transformation, trips with my friends and so on.
I completely changed – from a needy, weak guy to a guy who was enjoying life. Aaaand guess what happened! My new vibe spread like wildfire.
My ex started to like my pics on Facebook, she contacted me on several occasions asking how I was and she eventually started to miss me.
All the positive energy got out, there was my new version 2.0, an even more attractive me than at the beginning of our relationship.
Other things played in my favour as well. The first thing was the fact that my ex’s new relationship was just a rebound and lasted about 3
months. The second thing was the bond we created during those 5 years didn’t vanish over a course of months.
When all these aspects combined,the chances for reconciliation went from slightly above 0 to somewhere near 100%.
So, she dumped her rebound, completely buried him, then we met and got back together.
( The funny thing is that exactly the same happened to my best friend. His ex cheated on him with a co-worker of hers, then she was dating that guy for about 3 months, and then they got back together but broke it up for good after a year. )
Is it hard for me to be with her after what happened? It is. Could it be the reason for me to break up with her one day? Absolutely.
Would I recommend getting back together after cheating? Not at all.
It’s been more than a year since we got back together and it’s quite hard to get used to what happened. However, I wanted things to work out and start afresh. I thought it would be easier to overcome this but it isn’t. It might get better or it might not. And if it doesn’t, then it won’t be a big deal. As I said, life is too short for this and we often take it too seriously. Start working on yourself, take this experience as a motivational factor and get the best out of it. When you transform yourself, wanting your ex back will not be the highest priority anymore, it will become just an option you might or might not want to go for.
Below you will find some helpful advice and more tips on how to cope with this situation
Remember: A relationship is a drug. If it is suddenly taken away from you, you will experience withdrawal symptoms. The withdrawal is triggered by emotional dependency on your ex. The priority is to recover quickly, get rid of dependency on your ex, and regain your strength and
confidence. Only after going through this process should you ask yourself if you really want to get them back.
After you’ve transformed yourself, the roles will start to swap. Your ex will be more interested in you but you might be more interested in your new life and the possibilities it offers. The final decision will be on you, though.
My personal chart of a simplified post break-up management process
Basic principles for not screwing up your chances
1) Apologizing, pleading, begging
If you messed up, apologize.
Pleading and begging is quite tricky. It will make your ex feel bad when they see how hurt you are and that you would do anything to get
them back. On the other hand, this also shows how weak and needy you are and nobody wants to be with that kind of a person.
So, should you do that? It depends on what went wrong in your relationship but I would advise you to approach this with caution as you
can make it more difficult to win them back if you overdo it. I would definitely turn to this again but would limit this to maybe a few days.
At this time your ex will feel superior but this will diminish once you stop pleading and a sense of guilt will take over instead.
2) Never insult or threaten
No need to explain this one. It would bury your chances completely.
3) The time frame
This doesn’t apply to all relationships but for most it does.
The first 2-3 months after the breakup will seem like a lost battle.
Your ex won’t budge.
They will try to convince themselves they made the right choice and they will also try to recall
all the negative things about you and the relationship
– all this in an attempt to move on quickly and support their decision.
After 2-3 months, however, this will start to subside; neutral and then positive thoughts will take over.
So even if your ex broke up with you a year or 2 ago, you still have a chance!
4) The above brings us to the ‘no contact rule’
This one is critical. You can find tons of videos and articles on the internet preaching that you should go immediately no contact
for at least 30 days…………. Again, it all depends on what happened. If you did nothing wrong ( which I doubt ) were cheated on and
broken up with for no reason, and if you would be that crazy to want your ex back – then yes. This would be the only case to go no contact
immediately sending your ex on a guilt trip. In my case you couldn’t go no contact after neglecting the relationship. This would only
confirm they did the right thing. What I would do is try to maitain contact for about two weeks and then go no contact. How long for?
Give it enough time to be able to transform yourself. Your ex needs this time too to sort all the chaos in their head.
And if they contact you, either don’t reply or reply saying you are busy.
5) Before going no contact
The time period before actual no contact is so important, yet often neglected.
You won’t be in contact with your ex for quite some time so this has to be thought through carefully and some adjustments have to
be made. You need to make sure you do the right things that will manifest during no contact by your ex: missing you more,
thinking positively about you, doubting their decision to break up with you, not getting into rebound or ending their rebound sooner,
being more inclined towards getting back with you.
I’m sorry I can’t give you exact examples for this. I’ve never seen anyone implement
this into their programmes and I don’t want others to steal my know-how on this.
6) Social media
Do not delete them from your social media if you want to get them back as this will be the most powerful tool to let them know how much
you’ve changed and what the’re missing out on.
7) Rebound relationships
Do not enter into these. You will cause more harm than good.
If your ex finds a rebound it is because they want to comfort themselves, to find
a substitute for you to fill the void. I know it sounds awful but this can really speed things up for you. The more time your ex spends with
their rebound, the quicker they’llstart to miss you and exit the rebound. However, this will cause even more pain and when you get
back together you will constantly blame them. You will start imagining what they did together, how they spent time and so on.
It will impact your sex life as well. That’s why I don’t recommend getting back after cheating because I know what it’s like.
8) Getting your LIFE back!
Find someone you can talk to every day, someone who will support you.
Make a plan for what you want to accomplish during no contact.
Start working out. It has been scientifically proven that physical attraction plays a huge role in choosing the right partner.
Nobody can doubt this. It’s in our genes.
Work on your mental health as well. Try meditation, guided hypnosis and affirmations. You can find plenty of these on YouTube.
Use social media to show people how you’ve changed.
Post a lot of pics of your transformation and demonstrate how you are now enjoying life.
Be better, be successful. Nothing will make your ex more jealous than when they see you thrive without them.
Realize that your happiness doesn’t depend on you being with your ex.
The above principles are just basics. Many other principles could be added; however,
each break up is original and has to be approached differently.
Final Note: Don’t get scammed
There are thousands of so-called love gurus who read a few books on relationships, usually don’t have any personal experience with this and charge you from $100 to $1000 for a 30 minute consultation.
You need constant support. As I mentioned, find somebody to support you; preferably someone who’s been through the same thing.
If you are interested in my story and my experience, you can pick me to help you overcome this adversity,
build a new life and increase your chances of getting back with your ex.
Please see the service page for more info.
Thank you for reading. I hope this helped.
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